My last truly private post...

I checked my stat counter yesterday. Apparently people are actually reading this thing. I guess I shouldn't find that very shocking since I do have this blog posted a couple of places, but apparently I'm linked on other people's blogs, and when I post on others' blogs people are coming to check out mine when they see my comments, etc... Not to mention, scroll back a couple of days ago, and my favorite photographer, based out of Jacksonville, commented on my blog. Seriously, that made my day. And also scared me a little, because it made me realize that you never know who's reading!

So, I'm going to try and start transforming this blog into what it originally was meant to be... a document of my growth (or lack thereof, at times) in photography. PS-If you are a photographer reading this, go to my first post. It might just crack you up to see that I actually have come a long way in just a few months.

But since I'm only up to 15 readers, I figured I would put one last private post up here. Not that I won't be personal at times, but not this personal.

I typed up the entire story, and realized it probably isn't the best idea to put eeeverything up here.

I've had to separate myself lately from one of my best guy friends, which has been very difficult. There was never a big secret of my feelings for him last winter, so what has now happened is that any time he and I are together, people give us funny looks.

So, here's the truth. Sometimes I want to ring his neck for not seeing why we would be good together. Sometimes he frustrates me because he's not always there for me the way I wish he would be. But mainly, I moved on back in April, and it frustrates me that people don't understand this.

Because I have had feelings for someone else for a long time. Because every time that this guy and I get close enough to dating, someone brings up the sensitive topic of the best friend that I'm trying to separate myself from. And even if I end up not dating this other guy, I want whoever I DO end up dating to have a fighting chance. And let's face it, competing with a published photographer and author who has quit his full-time job to do God's work as a missionary can be kind of intimidating for a guy. Particularly when this guy still eats off my plate. Just sayin...

Mostly, though, it angers me that I let other people's opinions into my head too much. There are still people who think that he and I are going to end up together. And so I start to think, "OK, maybe they're right... maybe I'm not seeing something they are, and we are going to end up together..." But then I spend time with him, and I remember the many reasons why we never will be. He will have to change major things to be with me. And I will have to change major things to be with him. And in the end, both of us love those things about ourselves, so we aren't going to change.

I just hope people will start to respect our wishes.