Amy Hutchison

In case you missed it...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:19:00 +0000

As of last Wednesday, I am now a freelance writer over at the Examiner. I will be writing about all things young pros in Charlotte (from places to eat/drink to networking to all news affecting YP's). Pleeeease support me. This is where I beg. I get paid based on my readership. No readers=no paycheck. This means that not only do I write more over there, I also am slightly more interesting, if you can believe it.

So far, my top 2 articles are:

How to live off of $25/week

How to calm your networking fears (without resorting to vodka)

If you follow me on Twitter I will be Tweeting out whenever there's a new post.

Because my blog is the latest, greatest thing...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:38:00 +0000

Look to the right and you'll notice a little fundraising widget. It's been up there for a couple of weeks, but recently it changed (and actually has money on it).

Yesterday, I announced that I will be running my first, possibly last, half-marathon. It's crazy, considering I ran a 5K on Saturday and made it 2 miles and then got sick. Lovely.

But still, I am convinced I can do this. Hoping to not walk any of it, but we'll see. And in the meantime, I've committed to raising $2000 for the Bethlehem Center. But I need you to help me get there. I will match every donation that is made up to $1000. That means if you donate $25, it really is like you donating $50, and so on and so forth. Just think, if you donated $1000, too...

Anyway, I just posted this yesterday and have already received 3 donations totalling $85. I'm impressed! But we still have a long way, so if you could just click on that widget and donate, I'd appreciate. :-)

A little bit insane...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:20:00 +0000

A few months ago, someone gave me a newspaper clipping that stated that Run For Your Life was looking for charity beneficiaries for their Thunder Road Marathon in December. Obviously, I jumped on that. I headed over to RFYL in Dilworth to talk to them about adding Bethlehem Center as one of the beneficiaries.

We have been added to their list of charities. In support of this event and what Run For Your Life does, I have decided to enter the half marathon. Which is insane, for so many reason. One being that even in my top shape (I ran track in high school), long distances have always been difficult for me. Our warm up was 3/4 of a mile, and I even struggled with that.

Still, I'm determined. I ran a 5K on Saturday, and am currently running 3-4 days a week. Save me now.

It is not over yet, baby...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:16:00 +0000

My plan:
Study with incredible nonprofit and/or economics mentor overseas for 3 months
Start masters program in fall 2010
Start PhD program in fall 2013
Meet incredible man on travels and get married

God's plan:
?????

I only have $10... Now what?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:01:00 +0000

As a fundraiser, the most frustrating thing that has ever happened to me was someone taking back a nickel because it wasn't enough. In a charity, nothing is never enough, and every little bit helps.

CharlotteONE: recently started the BeONE campaign to raise money. The point is to have 40 people donate $10/month ($4800/year, for all of you math slackers). As you can see, this adds up quickly. Still, it isn't a ton of money towards the cause. But that's ok.

The point isn't necessarily that every $10 helps, although it does, it is more to get people on a regiment of giving. $10/month--$2.50/week--seems like nothing. Ok, I have one more teeeny bill, but compared to my $500/month in student loans, this seems like something I can handle. So, I start giving monthly. Well, then I realize that I can up my giving to $15/month with very little effort, and so on and so on, until finally that starts adding up to some major buck-a-roos.

At Bethlehem Center giving $50/month would put you amongst our top 10 individual donors. A fact that made my Board of Directors gasp when I told them. In all honesty, we can all afford $50/month. Truth is, you probably easily spend that on lunch in a week b/c you don't want to eat PB&J every day (ok, or am I just speaking about myself right now?).

I challenge every one reading this blog right now to find a cause and start out donating just $10/month. No fair with counting event ticket costs in that amount. Set up your bill pay or use their fundraising services. Let's see how much of an impact $10 can make, shall we?

What in the world has been going on??

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:05:00 +0000

Yes, "what in the world" is right. I haven't posted lately, due to a miriad of factors. Specifically, I haven't shot anything praise-worthy in a while, although I hope to shoot an engagement session for my friends who recently got engaged. This is the friend who was my first model when I got my camera. Poor guy.

Recently, I've been trying to find my passion, though. There were definitely a couple of days of me not wanting to get out of bed b/c I couldn't find the motivation to. To say that I need a change is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, there are things that I enjoy, but sometimes it's hard to remember those things.

Anyway, before I change this into a sob story, I wanted to update. I am still looking for study buddies for the GRE, since I haven't been doing a great job of staying on top of it. In the meantime, I have been looking for opportunities overseas to study economics hands on before I go back to school. This has not been easy. After all my searching, I found one fellowship overseas that is exactly the type of thing I'm looking for. I would be away for approximately 3-4 months, living and shadowing Kiva, an organization that pairs business owners in poverty with donors that can help them with their mission. It's an amazing organization doing something very similar to what I've already studied and talked about. I've also researched opportunities with their partners. Ideally, I would like to find something in the states that would give me the opportunity to travel overseas from time to time, but actually working and living overseas for a few months before I head back to school would also be a great opportunity.

Prayers are appreciated. I'm very much a believer in open and closed doors, so I trust that God has my ultimate good in mind. Still, I'm getting slightly impatient with his revealing of that plan to me!

High School Times

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:53:00 +0000

I haven't blogged in a while, and my next blog will be a "for real" blog, but for now I've stolen some questions from my friend Kevin's blog. Because, well, I'm not that creative, obviously.

1. What was your fondest high school memory?
Choraliers, hands down. It's the only high school memory that I would love to repeat. I was on the track team, and loved the bonding that we did as teammates, but to this date there is nothing quite like the adrenaline of getting on stage before a tremendous performance.

2. What was your most embarrassing high school moment?
Honestly, my most embarrassing high school moment is one that everyone at my high school knows of, but that I still do not feel comfortable putting here. It really shaped my junior and senior years, I'll put it that way. My second most embarrassing moment was senior class elections. A group of us had always been on student council, and we had pre-selected, basically, all the senior class officers. Jennifer was fun-loving and caring and good with people, so she would be Student Council President. Allison was a lot of the same, so she would be Senior Class President. I never wanted to be president, but was also very hard-working and dedicated, so I was selected as Senior Class VP, and Beth was phenomenal with numbers, so she would be treasurer. It came to election time, and although maybe the rest ran against people, they had it in the bag. Mine was not so easy. The captain of the cheerleading squad decided to run against me. Now, I was never nerdy by any means, and even sat at the "popular" table, but I also wasn't captain of the cheerleading squad. This girl had no experience, had never been on student council, and only just ran because she hated me. I decided that my speech had to be memorable, so I decided to talk about how similar Clover High was to Columbine. Big mistake. I had this big 70's outfit on with rose-colored glasses. I lost by a landslide. Very sad. But more so embarrassing.

3. Who was your favorite high school teacher and what did you liked about him/her?

Mrs. Richardson, our AP Calculus teacher. Let me start off by saying that although I was (and still am) extremely intelligent, I am also a big slacker when it comes to studying and reading. So, I had decided to drop down to CP Calculus (at Clover, AP was highest, then honors, then CPl) for my senior year. My Honors Algebra II teacher decided to convince me to do AP instead. He said that I had the intelligence to do it, but that I needed to make sure I did my homework. Just like the many years before, I didn't follow his instructions, never studied, and never did homework. Mrs. Richardson had this tradition of making tacos at her house for a mega study session right before the test. I went, and wouldn't you know it, after very rarely doing homework and almost never studying, I got a 4 on the exam. I'm still a little upset with myself b/c I probably could've gotten a 5 if I hadn't been a slacker, but a 4 was still a very good score.

4. If you could have nominated yourself for one senior superlative, what would it have been and why?
So, funny story. Similar to the elections, superlatives were usually in the bag before even voted on. Grady would be most likely to succeed (extremely intelligent football player), Marsi would be best dressed (her outfit for "tacky" day was a brown belt with black shoes... seriously), and I would be Biggest Flirt. Well, for some reason, that year they decided to do away with Biggest Flirt and Best Looking. So, no superlatives for me. But I definitely wanted Biggest Flirt. I did get a few votes for best dressed (I was always head to toe Gap, which was cool back then), but I knew I was no competition for Marsi.

5. Who of your high school friends are you still in touch with (and facebook stalking does not include being in touch with).
This is going to sound so random to those of you who knew me in high school, but our family is still pretty close to the Killians, and since we went to college together I still see Laura (Killian) and Mark Goddard about once or twice a year. Mark and Laura had their baby the same week as my nephew, and Ashley and Lucas live very close to my parents, now. Elizabeth Maroska and I used to meet up for drinks together, but that stopped a couple of years ago, and Paul Sutton is now dating one of my friends and I see him once or twice a month. Other than that, I still talk to people pretty often on facebook, but no real relationships.

6. What is one high school experience that was so exciting you would love to relive?
I have a lot of really fond memories of things that I did outside of high school, but absolutely loved going to Canada and going to New York City. Like I said before, though, being on stage with the Choraliers was amazing.

7. What is one high school moment you wish you could take back?
Two words: Josh Sharpe.

8. What was the wildest thing you did under the age of 18?
Pretty much everything I can think of is kind of lame. I made out with a guy on our chorus director's boat. I cussed and was sent to ISS (so lame). I went to high school parties. Mostly just normal kid stuff, though.

Free Ringtones

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sat, 23 May 2009 22:00:00 +0000

So, I have become recently OBSESSED with Slumdog Millionaire (best movie, ever!) and after lots of research, have finally found a site that has Salim's ringtone.

Free Ringtones

Check it out!

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 06 May 2009 01:10:00 +0000

I had one of the best nights ever a couple of Saturday nights ago. Not for any grandiose reason. It was actually a pretty lame Saturday night on paper. I went with two friends to a fish fry in Fort Mill, SC, and then to a fireworks show in Rock Hill. For so many reasons, you would be shocked (assuming you know me) that this was what I would define as one of the best nights ever. For one, it didn't include everyone I know... and everyone they know... and everyone they... OK, you get the picture. For two, I do very well avoiding having fun in the city I live in. And for 3 (and not meaning to go back to for 1) I very rarely have fun in small groups... unless that "small group" is 2, not 3. If you get what I'm saying.

But on this rare occasion, I had such an amazing time. It was two friends, one of which I have known for about a year, but never really talked to, and another one, that I had known about 2 weeks. We spent time talking about everything. From friendships, to religion, to jobs... I learned more about these two people than I know about friends I've had in 3 years.

I remember last summer, meeting this guy. We tried to date, for like a split second. It didn't work. I pictured him as someone else from the start. But I appreciated what we had for that split second. We stayed up until the sun rose talking. Just talking. What about, I have no idea, can't remember, but it was amazing.

I miss talking. I miss those moments of enjoying someone. And a couple of Saturdays ago, I got a taste of what it feels like. And it was amazing.

Going home for Easter

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:54:00 +0000

I haven't for-real shot anything in a while, which is why my blog has all of the sudden gotten very boring. I'm looking forward to heading home and grabbing a few shots of the nephew, who is always my favorite subject.

Besides, life has been insanely busy. With volunteering with Engage and Club Red, my schedule has been so packed it has been crazy. My boss has let me know that he wants me to rearrange my schedule so that I'm actually getting two days off a week (crazy concept, I know!) so I'm really excited that I can start getting things organized around the house, work on the photography a little more, get my sanity back. Wow-za.

Because this is just too cool not to share...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:54:00 +0000

I got a phone call last week. This person wanted to talk to me about the Bethlehem Center and volunteering. Pretty typical day in the Amy life (I get about 1-5 inquiries about volunteering now that the economy's down the crapper). Well, as we're talking, I find out she's with Delta Zeta sorority. I respond that I'm a Delta Gamma from USC, but that I had several DZ friends as well. We compare notes, do the name game, etc...

So, we schedule and appointment, blah blah, and as we're closing up, she admits to me that my name is a little familiar. She says, "Wait, do you have a blog?" Why, yes I do.

Scroll down, and the phone call was from Sylvia, who commented on my last blog post. Since then, she's given me advice about my situation, which I've figured out might need to be removed from the Internets (you obviously never know who's reading). Such a cool fun time. She's coming to my birthday party next week. But we've never met.

On a side note, I went to the gym yesterday (A regular occurance, since I'm trying to drop 15 pounds before summer. If you follow my T witter you already know this). I was meeting up for a guys/girls combo Bible study, so I went to the gym at 4:45 and showered there. So, I'm standing in the shower, fully clothed, and my arm hits the handle. Yup. Full blown shower, while fully clothed. Luckily, I had another shirt in my bag. I think it was a sign that my J.Crew button down really WAS too wrinkly to wear!

Lupus Foundation Mardis Gras Gala 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:00:00 +0000

OK, so I finally think I've gotten this blog to the way I want it to look. Sorry if you've checked back over the past week and have seen 15 different versions. We're cool, now. :-)

The pictures below are from my first "official" shoot. I was so excited to be a part of this event. Jill, a former Bethlehem Center intern, is now the development coordinator at the Lupus Foundation and asked me to come out and shoot. I was fortunate enough to have another photographer there so I got to play around a little more than I normally would. We both had a lot of fun, and as you can tell from the pictures, so did the crowd!

Pausing

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:22:00 +0000

I'm in the middle of working on editing the pictures from last night, but I just wanted to pause for a second.

If you've been reading my blog or know me at all, you know that there are 3 major photographers that I stalk, I mean, er, study on a regular basis. David Johnson is a good friend of mine and one of the biggest reasons I got into photography. Cheyenne Schultz is a friend from way back when, and is also a tremendous photographer. She and David have both shot for CharlotteONE: and have worked together before in wedding photography (*cough* thanks to yours truly *cough*).

The third, though, is someone that I've never met before, but is a photographer that I've heard about through relentless stalking of Cheyenne. Her name is Scarlett Lillian, and I admire her work a lot. It might be hard to tell, but I model a lot of my style in photography after her. Or at least, make some attempts at it.

Although I've never met her, I feel oddly as if I call her a friend (yes, it's odd, but also not odd if you know me at all), so I wanted to go ahead and put this out there. Scarlett's dad passed away this past weekend after an 8-month long battle with cancer. Since we're not really friends, I feel as if I would do injustice to explain what she's been going through over the past several months, but I encourage each of you to say a prayer for her, and read about her family's journey here.

Lupus Foundation's Mardis Gras Benefit

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 15:46:00 +0000

OK, so I can't wait. I'm super-excited to have gotten some great pictures, so here's an unedited teaser:

Transitioning...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:57:00 +0000

So, I got my first "gig" on Saturday. I'm super excited, and feel like a huge nerd because of this.

This also means that I'll be fully transitioning the blog after I get done with this shoot into more of a portfolio, and less of a "this is what crap is going on today." But I'm deliberating... do I keep this one up and create a strictly photography one, or do I put it all on this one, and just watch what I say?

I'll be working on all the new blog stuff soon. Look for very exciting stuff (at least, I hope it's very exciting).

I have an opinion.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 20:51:00 +0000

There are lots of big kid questions that came up this weekend. Lots of things on my mind that I've been wondering about.

I know of this church in Charlotte. I went once. Wasn't really my thing, but whatever. But a lot of people really love this church. Like, they're crazy about it. It's the best church ever. So, I decided to talk to one of these people who is so crazy about this church, and ask him why he was ok with certain things they do. He said he wasn't.

We went on to talk about how leadership within churches is always flawed. I don't mean this in a talk-bad-about-churches kind of way, more in a realize-your-minister-is-human kind of way. For me, that concept is pretty easy. I lived with a minister for 18 years.

But the dangerous thing about this is that, if you don't question your minister, you can easily get swept away in the noise and not be able to separate what is Truth from what is fiction.

When I first started going to Good Shepherd, it really made me uncomfortable. A lot. So much, that I called James-Michael and asked to meet with him. Talbot sat in as well. As I was firing questions at them, they answered openly and honestly. And although I still didn't agree with everything they said, I decided to stay. The things that I disagreed with weren't dealbreakers, just disagreements. And you have to respect a guy with an opinion who's open to discussing it.

It's ok to disagree with your minister. Lots of people do. It's not ok to bash them over the head with how horrible they are and how flawed they are. Trust me, they're aware. Probably a lot more than you think. But I think to not question your minister can be dangerous in a lot of ways.

The second thing that I've been thinking about lately, is can a true follower in Jesus be active in the Charlotte party scene?

A friend of ours threw this massive Super Bowl party. I didn't go, because I heard a lot of people left early on. He told me that he was disappointed that his Christian friends didn't stay. He thought it would be cool if there was a mix of Christians and non-Christians. They had left because they weren't comfortable with everything that was going on.

It poses an interesting thought, though. Christians get accused of staying in their "bubble" but the Bible also says to flee from temptation. Which thought is correct?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 02:07:00 +0000

I went to see He's Just Not That Into You today. I actually have not read the book, but a friend gave me the book "It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken" a few months after my last dreadful breakup, and I loved it, although I was pretty defensive about accepting it at first.

The movie was definitely not a Christian movie, but has the same lessons that Christians are currently talking about when it comes to dating. The moral: Boys pursue girls.

What I found myself laughing about were most of Maggie Gyllenhaal's lines and character traits. Most of us haven't been quite this bad, but can also relate to the whole, starting-at-the-phone-until-we-convince-ourselves-it's-ok-for-us-to-call-him ordeal. And, ok, so I've been known to wait until the last minute to pay my bills. Whatever.

But I have another theory about why girls do this. Or at least, I know this is why I do this. We want clearly defined roles in the relationship. We want to know whether we're friends, talking, dating, or in a relationship. So, our calling a guy when he isn't calling us isn't necessarily because we are that crazy about the guy, sometimes it's just because we want that definition, even if it's a rejection. We want the guy to just man up and say, "Yeah, not really interested, but thanks for asking."

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:46:00 +0000

I'm sitting here, with a stack of things to do (literally, I should take a picture. The stack's high). But I'm taking a 15-minute mental break, as my friends at Red Cross say.

I love being busy. Anyone who has known me for more than two seconds knows this about me. If I'm not running in 5 different directions, I get slouchy, grumpy, and lazy. But over the past 2 years, I've been looking for something to really commit to. Something where I can take a leadership role and work hard. So, back in December, I applied to serve on one of the Engage! Charlotte committees as well as one of the Club Red committees.

Here's what's funny. Both of them accepted me. The exact same week.

For anyone who doesn't know what these two organizations are, here's the nutshell. Engage! Charlotte is the young professionals arm of the Charlotte Chamber of Commerce. The purpose is to create activities that will grow job opportunities for young pros and retain talent to the city of Charlotte. As someone who's lived here for 15 years, now, you could say I might have a small passion for this. Plus, I'm a huge Economics geek.

Club Red is the young pros arm of the Red Cross. I have been volunteering off and on with Red Cross over the past couple of years, and have a very good working relationship with them as well, so when I heard they needed help, of course I jumped on it! You all know how attimate I am about helping good, solid nonprofits.

Both of these will suck up a lot of my time. I love this. But it will also mean backing off in other areas. And, I've found, it has led to a few more 15-minute mental breaks.

Break over.

Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 22:06:00 +0000

When I was in college, I lived on a sorority hall with 48 other women. Break-ups were pretty frequent. So, my sorority Big Sister would make these cookie cakes with a great big "boys suck" on them and we would rent movies, get some sugary sodas and pizza, and gorge on the cookie cake. Best therapy ever.

I had a philosophy on break-ups and how to get over them which I frequently shared with my sisters. Find one reason you dated, and one reason you broke up. Throw the rest of the reasons away. This helps you find one thing worthy enough of the guy to stay friends, but one thing that will keep you from having that desire to get back with him.

Since college, I've dated 4 guys, none of them very seriously. I've been seriously interested in 2 others that I never dated. And I continue searching for these reasons. But one of them, I haven't been able to give that consideration. I feel the hatred welling when his name is even mentioned. I can find a list of "break up" reasons for a list long enough to stretch across the Carolinas, but can't think of anything other than "I made a huge mistake." And what's worse than just hating him, I have this horrible attitude about a lot of the people who surround him. It drags me into this horrible place that I can't get out of.

Please pray for me. That I can forgive him, forgive myself, and find a way to be who I really am again.

Thoughts about last night

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 02:04:00 +0000

If you don't know what was last night, click here.

A couple of us "girls" were talking at dinner afterwards about how depressed we were about the message. It was upsetting.

In a two second summary, Voddie talked about how we should strive for families and to raise our children in good Christian homes. That discipleship should start at home first.

If you were a single woman sitting there last night, probably all you remember is the part where your number one job is to be a wife and raise the kids. And even for those of us career driven/career obsessed women, it made us a little sad.

Men, don't let the girls fool you. We all want to be wives and moms. Even that crazy girl that you think is just out to sleep around. She just wants to be loved. She just hasn't found the guy patient enough to learn what's inside of her.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:08:00 +0000

So, I want an opinion.

I have two options (I will probably look into a third as well).

1-Keep everything the same, and have my car paid off in May
2-Transfer a high interest credit card into my car loan, and pay off my car and the credit card in 22 months, saving $150/month until May, but after that, adding $120+ per month from what I would've been spending without the car.

In the long run, option 2 would save me on interest if I paid the minimum payment, but option 1 would mean freeing up cash so I could make larger payments.

Thoughts?

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 04:31:00 +0000

I feel like the time for me to move has come.

But I'm not ready.

So you don't think I'm crazy...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:09:00 +0000

Yes, I hate the mast to this blog, too. I don't have any money to spend on a new blog, but I'm trying to fix this one so it's not so, er, unattractive. So, I decided to try and fix the mast first. I'm not insane with bad taste, I promise. Just don't always know how to get my stuff to look like I have good taste.

Will post photos soon. Promise.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 00:39:00 +0000

After a lot of stress, debate, and wondering, I made the decision to go to the NoDa School of the Arts benefit this year for New Year's Eve.

I had two groups of friends throwing huge New Year's parties, and I felt like this decision was making me pick between them. When it came down to it, I decided that it's time for me to settle down, act like a big girl, and commit. And that meant going to the same party two years in a row.

Last night, on New Year's Day, a friend was having people over to watch the games. Since USC had already made a miserable showing, my night consisted mainly of talking and catching up with people. It was the same group of friends from New Year's, even though a few of them had done a midnight run instead of the party, but most of my night on New Year's had consisted of dancing and making my way around the room to at least say "hi" to everyone, so I looked forward to the chance to catch up.

As I was talking to one of my newer friends--we've known each other for about 3 weeks--the question, as it always is asked, of "where are you from" came up.

This is always a difficult question for me to answer, since at this point I could probably consider myself from Rock Hill, except for the fact that I graduated from Clover High. Add in several moves before that, and I'm used to only being in the same spot for 4 years, max.

So, this new friend asked me a question right out that I can honestly say I had never been asked before. "Do you find it difficult to make deep connections with people?"

And the pure and simple answer is, yes.

I love people, anyone who has ever met me knows this, but I have a hard time letting people in. I'm usually ready to move on after a year or two, I don't like to get close enough that someone associates me with a "clique," and my longest relationship was 3 months.

So this year, as a New Year's resolution, I've decided to try and commit more, particularly with girl friends. I've decided that, like my New Year's, it's time for me to be a big girl and let people in more.

Trying to find my way through the fear...

noreply@blogger.com (Amy Hutchison) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 19:36:00 +0000

This week has given me a lot of time to think and plan. And while some of this has included paying bills (I hate being an adult), and thinking about relationships and how I want them to move, I also came back to what has been haunting me for the past 3 years.

I know that I won't be happy with my career until I go back to grad school. I know that I will always wonder where I could be, what I could do, and how I could be challenged. I love my career, but it's not always a challenge. I am always looking for the next step.

Many of you know, my supervisor was let go a few months ago. They needed to cut a position in my department due to tough economic times. So, here I am again, at the top of where I want to be. And it brings me back to the fact that I still want to go to grad school.

But as I look at my bills and look at my relationships, those hold me back. I've gotten to know some great people in Charlotte, and the thought of moving again scares me. My house is less than 3 years old, and with the current market, selling the house to help pay for grad school, or taking out a second mortgage, might not be an option. And although things should improve by the time I get ready to go, I still have to put myself in a good financial position to take the classes that I need to take to be competitive for application time.

So, I'm sitting here again, wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. It scares me that I might not graduate from grad school until I'm 30. And I know this is normal. But it's not Amy normal. Do you know I've always accomplished my goals?

Many of you have already read the blog I wrote about why I want to go back. Studying international economic systems, specifically foreign welfare systems, fascinates me. In a nerdy, I should probably get a life and quit boring people kind of way. And politics fascinate me. So, going into school and studying international economic systems and then serving as the economic advisor to a politician, whether mayor or President, would be an amazing, challenging, stressful job. I simply cannot do this with a bachelor's degree in music from a state school.

But I wonder if I could even do this with a master's degree from the top-ranked international business school in the country. It is this fear that keeps me from moving forward. What if I spend the $100,000 on the education simply to be sitting in a pile of student loan bills again with a job as a social worker?

Of course, I know that a masters in international business or economics is going to open a lot of doors, even if they aren't the doors I wanted open. I'm just still fearful, as I'm finally digging out of my debt, of accruing more debt again.

Besides, what if I do go to Emory or South Carolina or London, and everyone is so much more intelligent? Am I really prepared?

I feel as if I've been talking about this forever, and the timing still isn't right. My goal was for fall of 2010. I wonder if this will still happen...